Ultimately, it seems women-whom-you’ve-had-sex-with are the only category of people straight men aren’t expected to treat cordially.
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He didn’t seem particularly like a jerk, and almost certainly doesn’t think of himself as one. So why not people we sleep with?īut while friends were quick to call Dan a jerk, it’s not fair to wave off this behavior as straightforward rudeness. Hence the friendliness that oils our interactions with fitness instructors, former co-workers, friends-of-friends, and hairdressers. Even when the spark’s not totally there, polite society dictates a certain common courtesy. I can tell when a connection over drinks turns a colleague into a friend, or when you’re putting in the time with a family acquaintance and you just don’t jell. In general, it’s pretty easy to read relationships. The shift in his behavior was particularly striking because it runs so counter to most conventional adult behavior. The radio silence post-coitus seemed strangely cold.
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We’d got on incredibly well and, for all the nonchalance endemic to casual hook ups, sex is an unavoidably intimate experience. I didn’t know him well and certainly wasn’t emotionally invested, but the interaction still rankled me. The second time, however, I was not so lucky. In a scenario familiar to millions of people, yet honestly surprising to me, I had sex with a guy (we’ll call him Dan) and never heard from him again. The first time I met someone I was interested in post-break-up, none of those rules were relevant. We had sex, texted, and hung out without counting the hours between messages or playing hard to get.